Perfectly Awesome

When we ask for feedback on our work, we often get poor-quality feedback that’s not useful or that makes us feel attacked or defensive. Part of the reason is in how we’re asking for feedback. Most requests are too generic, too open, and too late. The result is that you’re more likely to get a heap of opinion rather than a helping of insight. Instead of saying, “I’d love it if you could provide some feedback,” try setting the other person up to add more value by being more prescriptive about what you’re looking for. This article discusses a three step process for getting more constructive feedback that supports your growth, strengthens your relationships, and accelerates your career.

Most of us have been “feedsmacked” at some point in our life. In the midst of a meeting, an innocent walk down the hallway, or a performance review, someone delivers a verbal wallop that rocks us to our psychological footings. These situations are so tough to handle because we all have two fundamental psychological needs: safety (perceived physical, social, or material security) and worth (a sense of self-respect, self-regard or self-confidence). Critical feedback feels traumatic because it’s often interpreted as a threat to these needs. Fortunately, there are four skills that will help you reduce the perceived threat in the moment. First, collect yourself. You might breathe deeply and slowly or notice your feelings. Then, seek to understand the feedback. Ask questions. Ask for examples. Get curious. Next, take the time you need to recover before you evaluate the feedback. Lastly, examine what you were told, scouring for the kernels of truth. That’s where the learning and development comes from. Being caught off-guard with feedback isn’t fun, but it doesn’t have to be traumatic if you use these four skills.

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