Perfectly Awesome

Extensive research has indicated the benefits of showing gratitude to those around you, including your colleagues or employees. However, a new study suggests that the timing of these expressions can make a big difference. Through two experiments and an analysis of a top hospital’s intensive care units, researchers found that when you express gratitude to others before they engage in a distressing task it helps counteract some of the negative emotions associated with the task. Expressing gratitude early also makes employees more likely to persist through difficulty and bounce back and be resilient following failure. The authors suggests ways to show gratitude meaningfully and create a culture where your employees feel their work is seen, supported, and valued.

There’s a right and wrong way to proceed. Here’s how to increase the chances your leader listens and takes action--while reducing the chance they feel threatened.

When we ask for feedback on our work, we often get poor-quality feedback that’s not useful or that makes us feel attacked or defensive. Part of the reason is in how we’re asking for feedback. Most requests are too generic, too open, and too late. The result is that you’re more likely to get a heap of opinion rather than a helping of insight. Instead of saying, “I’d love it if you could provide some feedback,” try setting the other person up to add more value by being more prescriptive about what you’re looking for. This article discusses a three step process for getting more constructive feedback that supports your growth, strengthens your relationships, and accelerates your career.

Most managers suck at giving feedback — it’s too infrequent and not actionable enough.

If your team feels “stuck,” the problem might involve issues that are difficult to discuss — conflict between two team members, for example, or an underperforming employee. To address these issues head-on, leaders must learn the art of framing a conversation so people can organize their thoughts, feelings, and experiences to come to a solution. This article offers a five-step process around framing, and two examples of how it can help bring “undiscussables” into the light.

Most of us have been “feedsmacked” at some point in our life. In the midst of a meeting, an innocent walk down the hallway, or a performance review, someone delivers a verbal wallop that rocks us to our psychological footings. These situations are so tough to handle because we all have two fundamental psychological needs: safety (perceived physical, social, or material security) and worth (a sense of self-respect, self-regard or self-confidence). Critical feedback feels traumatic because it’s often interpreted as a threat to these needs. Fortunately, there are four skills that will help you reduce the perceived threat in the moment. First, collect yourself. You might breathe deeply and slowly or notice your feelings. Then, seek to understand the feedback. Ask questions. Ask for examples. Get curious. Next, take the time you need to recover before you evaluate the feedback. Lastly, examine what you were told, scouring for the kernels of truth. That’s where the learning and development comes from. Being caught off-guard with feedback isn’t fun, but it doesn’t have to be traumatic if you use these four skills.

The "common scold," recognized in England for centuries is still with us. Although such a person is not described in the psychiatric literature, I describe his/her principal elements here.

Corporate leadership today is more public than ever before thanks to digital communication and the web. The status quo has been upended by the ease with

It’s time to get past the human tendency to avoid conflict-causing topics.

I just had the pleasure of reading David Marquet's book, Turn the Ship Around!: A True Story of Turning Followers into Leaders*, and I have been encouraging everyone I see

Thoughtful, empathetic language can make or break your business relationships

As the Boulder Startup Community evolved, I started to become inundated with people who wanted to get involved. Some of these were locals while others where people looking to move to Boulder, or who had recently moved here. Some where people known to me while others were new relationships. As the momentum, size, impact, and reach […]

It’s not your job to carry the ball, but to run interference for those who do.

Strategic technology leader

(Cross posted to LessWrong)

It doesn’t have to be painful.

How to turn arguments from vicious battles into productive dialogues.

Most of us are subjected to insults, sarcastic comments or bad feedback in our everyday lives. But we weren't built to deal with torrents of criticism.

We may have learned that we need to let people speak without interrupting but taking turns talking does not truly denote listening. And unintentionally hijacking conversations to advise, inject humor, empathize, prioritize efficiency, or insert ourselves into the speaker’s narrative is often done with good intentions, but may instead disrupt the human connection we think we’re forging. Recognizing when to shift out of our habitual styles and consciously apply alternative styles of listening and responding may allow for more effective and meaningful interactions.

Social ostracism has been a common punishment for millennia. But freezing someone out harms both the victim and the perpetrator.

Adapted from: https://tubarks.wordpress.com/2012/12/18/book-review-turn-the-ship-around-how-to-create-leadership-at-every-level/ Part I, Starting Over In Part I, Starting Over, Marquet talks about the lessons learned prior to taking over command of the USS Santa Fe. The USS Santa Fe was not his ...

Whether in our personal or professional lives, we are constantly giving and receiving feedback. Some of the feedback is subtle, often unconscious, and some of it is proactive. Being able to receive and to offer constructive feedback is an essential skill in building meaningful social relationships.  In addition, research suggests that meaningful feedback is crucial ... Read More

If you work with someone who’s gone too long without feedback and want to help them grow, you’ll need to take an empathetic approach to the conversation. Start by asking questions to clarify their motives. If a leader is constantly forcing their ideas on others, for example, you might start with a question like, “How were you hoping the team would respond to your idea?” Once you are aware of your colleague’s intentions, you need to separate them from their actions in order to have a productive discussion. Acknowledge their original intent, but follow up by stating the negative impact their action actually had on you. Pointing out the gap between what they meant to do and what happened, will help them recognize patterns of unwanted behaviors. Remember that the feedback will be hard to hear — so give them space to feel upset, remind them you are telling them to help them grow, and encourage them to focus on the future.

Big ideas, strong-willed characters, impossible deadlines and close quarters — if you wrote out a recipe for conflict, it might bear an uncanny resemblance to the high-stakes, pressure-cooker environment of a startup. We spoke with top engineers, seasoned managers and experts in human behavior to share their experience-tested wisdom on conflict mediation and management in rapidly scaling companies.

Thoughtful, empathetic language can make or break your business relationships

Express and receive communication empathically using the four-part Nonviolent Communication process developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

It rarely makes sense to take product feedback from all users and it never makes sense to get it all at once. Five fixes feedback for your product.